New No-Phone Law Causes Drivers to Crash and Die Due to Boredom New No-Phone Law Causes Drivers to Crash and Die Due to Boredom
On November 9th, the city of College Station implemented a new law forbidding the use of a cell phone whilst driving. The next day,... New No-Phone Law Causes Drivers to Crash and Die Due to Boredom

On November 9th, the city of College Station implemented a new law forbidding the use of a cell phone whilst driving. The next day, local law-abiding citizen and student Ryan Bradley crashed into a telephone pole on Holleman.

Bradley’s friend Connor Watson was following behind him right before the incident. “Ryan was always a good guy—always a rule follower—but he usually need something to occupy his attention while he was driving,” said Watson.

This incident and many similar ones have prompted Psychology professors to investigate the cause of this new spike in car crashes. Dr. Sam Sung, a professor of Psychology at Texas A&M, found a possible connection between accidents and the new legislation. “I’ve begun to notice a similar pattern amongst these incidents. The phone-ban law has caused students, who were accustomed to using their phones while driving, to become bored and disinterested with the task at hand, which ends up resulting in careless accidents. I think they are beginning to realize how short their attention span truly is,” said Dr. Sung.

After receiving a Snapchat, Dr. Sung provided no further comment, and instead spent the remainder of the interview working to maintain Snapchat “streaks.”

 

—Duncan Dough

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Duncan Dough

Definitely, definitely not named for his rotund stature, Duncan Dough is a bubbly fellow of a healthy weight who is in charge of bringing the cookie dough made in Duncan Dining Hall over to Sbisa to be baked. That’s right. Sbisa Cookies are actually from Duncan, but it’s hard to taste the lies and betrayal through all that sugar. Oh, he also giggles like the Pillsbury Doughboy if you poke him.

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