In the fall, every Callaway-dwelling student from a suburb of Dallas, Houston, or Austin has one date marked on their brand new iPhone: Bid Day. It is the beginning of a long path to find popularity, contentment, and a reason to go back home and work for daddy’s oil and gas company. But for the select few freshmen who decided to hang up their white-washed wranglers and Nike golf shirts in high school, men’s organizations beckon.
Historically, these organizations hold socials for potential members to meet actives, who they already know thanks to Gig ‘Em Week schmoozing. However, this year’s process will be completely altered.
“Something about the old process seemed too easy,” said Beck Bannet, a sophomore member of Brotherhood of Christian Aggies. “We could never guarantee the highest degree of feigned interest and Fish Aide-level intentionality.”
The new process pays homage to Suzanne Collins’ young adult book series The Hunger Games. At each event, prospective members will gather in a circle at Wolf Pen Creek, where a large cornucopia of guitars, ukuleles, and mandolins will sit in the center. In addition, Thetas, Chi-Os, and a handful of Tri-Deltas will be dispersed throughout the park.
After tightening their Chaco and Teva straps, the washed-up high school quarterbacks will race to the cornucopia once the sound of Ben Rector blasts over the speakers. Those organizing the process predict unprecedented slaughter as potential members attempt to secure an instrument of choice. They must then quickly find a sorority girl and serenade her. If the girl is wooed, and both hearts remain substantially guarded, the candidate moves on to the next round.
Each round will have a separate musical theme: Favorite Praise & Worship Tune, Covers of Lumineers Songs, and “That Original Song You Wrote for Your High School Girlfriend.” Those that make it through all three rounds will soon be welcomed to a fraternity without Greek letters.
Those who don’t make the cut will soon be Texas A&M’s newest off-campus Senators.
“I believe in this new process 100%,” said Milo Baker, the president of Aggie Men’s Club, “Because if you can’t respectfully win a Chi-O with your rendition of ‘Wonderwall,’ we don’t want you wearing a Columbia fleece with our logo.”
—Koldus & Cream