The city of College Station has received an influx of volatile weather since the end of Spring Break. What many meteorology majors first thought was a simple cold front has turned into something much worse for the university. A wave of what researchers call “Senioritis” has touched down in Aggieland.
Atmospheric Sciences major Sara Schmid told The Mugdown, “Senioritis is an airborne disease that routinely arrives in College Station by mid-April every year. However, this year the infection has spread at a remarkable pace. The first outbreak typically occurs in cities like Baton Rouge and Tuscaloosa at the start of the spring semester. It takes until May for it to hit schools where students somewhat care about their education.”
The contagion has ravaged A&M’s campus. Already, Texas A&M’s Student Health Services have reported over 8,000 casualties from amongst the U4 students. Dr. Paul Bradshaw, Director of the A.P. Beutel Health Center, made a statement on Wednesday: “Although much of the senior class has fallen to this unforgiving infection, we have decided to utilize all of our resources to help protect our beloved juniors.” Estimations provided by the A.P. Beutel Health Center’s world renowned CDC Lab demonstrate that the Class of 2017 can expect an even more severe strain during the next Senioritis cycle.
To mitigate the threat of Senioritis to campus, university administrators have called on Student Health Services to provide free vaccinations this week from Monday through Thursday in the MSC, Hullabaloo Hall, and Wehner. Students were also cautioned to avoid attending events like ring dunks, as these seem to quadruple the chances of infection.
This post was written by one of our new Dirty, Filthy Pledges. Back to work, Good Bullogna.