“We encourage all applicants, we just might not want you.”
Mark your calendars, professional schmoozers, because Gold Coats applications are coming out January 31, 2016. Founded upon the three basic pillars of excellence, funds, and flattery, Gold Coats is soon to be recognized as the premiere organization for networking and tailored jackets.
The selection process will be more rigorous than anything Aggie professionals have ever encountered before. First, a written application answering soul-piercing questions will be provided to ‘all.’ Your UIN will not be required at the top, but your entire name- first, middle and last. This process will be completely monitored from day one to ensure equality.
“You are your reputation, so own it,” said senior founder of Gold Coats, Inee Mofunds. “This has become a sort of mantra of ours. It is nice to be a top tier organization from our founding. It is quite rare actually.”
After an intensely monitored application, a whopping seventeen interviews will be emailed out of the expected 600 applicants. The interview will be conducted at Rudder auditorium. The applicant will have a two-hour scenario and question-based interview on stage before a panel of judges, who inform them on the spot if they are accepted into this prestigious realm or not. The applicant is expected for 15 minutes of the
audition interview to recite their entire resume, as well as provide their coat measurements. If the individual is selected, the judges will toss a candy bar at him or her with a golden ticket inside.
Inee Mofunds later went on to say, “When I received my golden ticket from myself as a founder, I felt like a kid who had just had candy for the first time. I figured this idea would be highly original and innovative compared to typical acceptance letters with confetti. After all, we are raising the bar.”
One blessed individual will be selected this application season. Good luck to all interested.
-Metta World Pizza