1. After extensive brainstorming and literally tens of minutes of googling, we put together a list of all the reasons to hate clickbait. You will never guess what we did next; we wrote this article about it.
2. The worst thing about clickbait articles is their misleading titles. The headline promises a short list, but it always ends up being a long article full of useless introductions, weird metaphors, and obviously pandering references to cute animals. Before you can cry havoc and read about the release of the top 10 dogs of war, you’re stuck sifting through an entire kennel of sad, little battle-puppies in their adorable puppy armor.
3. There is nothing worse than clickbait with a confusing list. The headline says 10 reasons but there are only six actual reasons, and the rest are all introductory paragraphs or cheap gimmicks. How dumb do clickbait writers think you are? Apparently, dumb enough to believe that just because there are numbers along the side of an article, it is a list.
4. The most awful thing about clickbait is the advertisements. They are everywhere, completely covering an article the same way Sprint® completely covers the nation with cell
5. The most bad thing ever about clickbait is the use of sloppy, informal, first-person writing. I hate that! It’s like, I get it, I don’t want to be that grammar-stickler-correcter guy, but at some point it is literally just way too much, for real. Bad writing makes the article seem like a bar-hopping frat boy: it’s shallow, it’s trying too hard to be cool, and it’s something that anyone can do.
6. Yes, you will.
7. The worst thing about clickbait is its overuse of extreme exaggeration. If an article claims that every single item in a list is the worst or best thing ever, then
8. it stops being believable. Those 90’s cartoons were pretty great, sure, but they were not my best childhood memory of all time. That honor goes to the time in
9. fourth grade when I called my teacher, Mrs. Talbot, “Mrs. Cow-butt” and the whole class laughed so hard that they briefly forgot how much they all hated me because I didn’t ever shower.
10. The most annoying thing of all about clickbait is that it works. Whether you try to tough it out and enjoy the messy excuse for entertainment or you immediately navigate away from the site, it counts as a page view. Page views mean advertising and advertising means money. That is the end of this article and it doesn’t matter if you liked it or even if you read all of it, because we got paid anyway.
Thanks & Click ’em
-Chophouse Sweater Burger