Freshman general studies student Jenn Dole has no personality. Sarah Chandlers, a researcher in the college of psychology, confirmed the news earlier this week.
“To the casual observer, Ms. Dole seems like anyone else,” Chandlers said. “But under scrutiny her lack of personality is obvious. Ms. Dole exhibits very obvious symptoms; she agrees with anyone about anything, the only clothes she owns are comfort colors, and we were an hour late starting our testing because she is so generic that we mistook her for part of a wall.”
Dole scored a zero on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator personality test — a test which is not even scored numerically.
“There were a few times that we thought Ms. Dole might actually have a personality,” Chandlers said. “We heard her say she likes all kinds of music, and she hates the word ‘moist’. However, after further analysis we realized those are not original opinions, these opinions are a result of absorbing the trends and most common interests of those around her.”
Dole’s condition makes her a valuable candidate for many campus organizations. Commandant Joe Ramirez has offered to pay Dole’s tuition if she joins the Corps of Cadets, claiming she is “The ideal cadet.” Dole has also been approached by multiple sororities, Fish Camp, the Aggie Conservatives, Class Councils, the Student Government Association, CARPOOL and each of the more than 40 Texas A&M women’s organizations.
In a recent Facebook post-tweet combo, former yell leader Roy May said that Dole has a bright future as a campus leader because she exemplifies the most important Aggie value: conformity.
“Jenn Dole embodies the spirit of Aggieland,” May wrote, “She respects our school’s military heritage by abandoning her individuality completely. Jenn is a true member of the Aggie family, she would never try to change anything or demonstrate creativity.”
The Mugdown was able to reach Dole for comment but she had nothing interesting to say.
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