College Station Now Big Enough for Two Targets College Station Now Big Enough for Two Targets
In what can only be described as a day that will go down in history, College Station – our beloved home away from home... College Station Now Big Enough for Two Targets

In what can only be described as a day that will go down in history, College Station – our beloved home away from home – has now been deemed large enough for two Targets, by local PTSA mother of three, Gladys Knight.

Often thought to be a one-Target town by other cities, towns, and foreigners alike, many residents (or College Stationians as they like to be called) are absolutely thrilled by the idea of having another Target grace the town with its presence. The emporium is expected to improve morale with its superior quality goods, craftsmanship, and entertainment as well as boost the local economy with its job creation.

“With this second Target, the number of things we can do in this town will literally triple. Maybe I speak alone on this, but I’ve never had a bad time at Target,” said Michael Gregory, a junior Biomedical Sciences major.

Nancy Berry, the mayor of College Station, is encouraged by the overwhelming support and remains hopeful for the future. “The journey of a thousand miles begins with step one; this is that step. Now, we push for a Waffle House,” Berry said.

As can be expected, this moment is not without its fair share of detractors and critics.

“Sure, it starts with this extra target, but then what’s next? Having nothing to do in this town is exactly what makes it so special,” said Kevin Hickey, a Business Honors sophomore.

Though admittedly proud of its neighbor, the town of Bryan is more than a tad bit jealous of the newfound progress, fame, and success. Bryan has failed to secure for itself a possible second Target, and sources say it is the last straw.

The mayor of Bryan, Jason Bienski, had this to say at a Bryan City Hall meeting: “It’s with a heavy heart that I tell you great people that once again we have been snubbed by our younger, much better looking sibling – College Station. We cannot sit in silence any longer. We must act. ”

At press time, Target declined to comment on the status of a second location.

 

– Plug Down for Watt

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Plug Down for Watt

Plug Down for Watt failed the Turing Test. I guess that means she’s a robot or a computer or something? I mean, it would explain a few things, like her perfect spelling and math skills, but she has a heart that no computer could ever have. Plug’s too funny to be a computer anyways! So maybe she’s a cyborg. A cyborg who’s on our side.

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