Thursday, March 28, 2024
Texas A&M's First Satirical Newspaper, Since 1875


To Revote the Yell Leader Revote, 5 For Yell Announces Plans for a New University


5 For Yell has announced plans to build an alternate university where they will be the yell leaders. After raising concerns about the old voting system, 5 For Yell decided to hold its own election. The unfavorable results of their independent election, where 5 For Yell once again did not sweep, made the current and prospective yell leaders wonder why they could not win.

“After thinking about it, we realized that it was the university, not the voting system, that was flawed,” Head Yell Leader Patrick McGinty said. “Keeping with our can-do spirit and willingness to adapt, we have decided to start a new university where we will hold yet another yell leader election.”

MSC President Ryan Trantham, the election commissioner of the revote, will serve as president of the new university.

“There’s a lot that goes into starting a university,” Trantham said. “Step one is to find a name. So far we like Yell Leader U, Yelltopia, and Texas A&M Re-University”

McGinty said the plan is to secede the Quad and start from there, possibly expanding into South Side Garage. He expects the Corps to be supportive of this decision.

“We gave the cadets an offer to join us that they couldn’t refuse,” McGinty said. “Everyone who secedes with us gets a bag-in tomorrow.”

Michael K. Young, future Texas A&M president, was disappointed to see 5 For Yell want to leave but hopes that Texas A&M can continue without them.

“Sure, I’m gonna miss those guys, but I won’t even live on campus so it doesn’t make much of a difference to me either way,” Young said.

McGinty wanted to reaffirm that there will be no hard feelings between the two universities and that 5 For Yell still has the utmost respect for Texas A&M and its traditions, even though their new university will be better at traditions.

“As much as it pains me to say goodbye to this fine institution, we would be jeopardizing the integrity of the organization and process if we allowed these results to stand,” said McGinty.

-War Hymnal