It has been a long semester for many Aggies at Texas A&M University. After fighting through finals, students are now bracing themselves for extensive periods of time spent with younger siblings and weird aunts. It is during this time that we like to stop and reflect on the semester as a whole. So if you would please join us for a journey through time back to the distant land of August. Put on your sweatbands and your favorite yoga playlist, it’s time to meditate on life.
Was it for money? Yes.
However, we think there was a part of us that enjoyed the irony of letting us officially represent the university. It felt good doing something neither The Battalion nor the The Good Bull had accomplished. It felt right.
If there is one thing that defines fall semesters, it is the tidal wave of freshmen that washes over campus. Like 5K fliers, it does not take long before they seem to permeate every corner of university grounds. As veterans of freshman year, we felt it our duty to help them find their place through FLO charts and flow charts.
In Texas, there is only one objective way to gauge the quality of a city: tacos. College Station boasted prowess in the taco arena with Fuego. Many lesser cities hung their heads in shame. But not Austin. No, not Austin. It came as no surprise to Aggies that our long-time rivals, short-time no affiliations over in Austin would have a taco joint that could go toe-to-toe with our Fuego. The war that would come would split friendships and families. It was a war the likes of which this earth had not seen since the great Caine’s Versus Layne’s Debates.
There was a lot of pressure on Kyle Field this football season. After years of hype, it finally began the facelift it had been planning. While not complete, the new Kyle Field’s unveiling was a sign of things to come. Many current and former students cried. And most were tears of joy!
There is a legend in Texas. It is not shouted from rooftops like the legacies of the Alamo or Rick Perry. Instead, it is whispered, borne across hill country and bluebonnet fields by those of us who still remember. This legend is that of the Marching Owl Band, the legend of the MOB. They came to Kyle Field decades ago with the most offensive jokes in the state starting a riot before being evacuated from the stadium. After many long years, they had returned.
6. The Mugdown Tailgate: Our Graphical Preview of the Bye Week
It is no secret this football season was a hard one for Aggies. Our good friends over at Good Bull Hunting had a hard time coping with the shock. They needed someone to step up for them as they spent a week or fourteen in tears. They needed someone who thrives on negative emotion, who positively rejoices when things have gone to hell. They needed professionals. They needed…THE MUGDOWN.
As if our players’ abilities on the field this season was not a big enough scandal already, our mascot had to go and get knocked up. While the university has made no official statement on who the father is, they did announce Reveille would be retiring after this season so she could spend more time with her pups.
It is not easy being in the spotlight. With all the publicity Texas A&M has received over the last couple years, there was bound to be some backlash, and we found the heaviest hitters in the arena: PETA and the Westboro Baptist Church.
Finally, something on this list that was not offensive or scandalous, or, at least, these costumes were scandalous in the good kind of way. Always eager to help people get into the holiday spirit, we released our recommendations of 14 different Aggie icons you could turn into a sexy costume.
10. The Fourth Floor Flasher Violated Evans
Sonofa- This list was just starting to get positive again. Then some guy has to take the wear-as-little-clothing-as-possible idea just a little too far. The worst part was it wasn’t even just one guy. There was a whole group of them! This was a thing. For weeks. Apparently, the fourth floor flashers even ventured into the fifth floor at times. At least their alliteration was consistent.
1 1. #ClickbaitWeek
We figured selling out to the university was not enough. We needed to sell out our standards as well. For a full week (and then some), we released nothing but the most clickbait-y articles we could muster. Top 10 cutest corps guys on campus? Check. Libel against UT TU? Check. Leaked photos of Reveille topless? Check.
What building is more loved at Texas A&M than the Academic Building? And what governor is less loved at Texas A&M than Rick Perry? There has been a lot of mudslinging going around saying the university “sold out” and is only doing this because “Rick Perry has pretty much put every Regent on the Board” and “this could be a great way to get more funding from a man known for cutting education funding”. But that is not fair, Rick Perry is giving the commencement speech on Friday and are we just going to show our thanks by not naming our most iconic building after him?
13. We Started a Rave in the Library: #ClubAnnex
There were a lot of diligent students in the library studying for finals this last week. Seeing that many students be productive made us feel weird, almost proud of our campus. We hated it.
At least one good thing came out of the university this year. We are going to miss the class of 2014, but we are not taking it personally. It has been a wild ride. We have no idea if the real world is going to be able to match all the excitement we have had together here at Texas A&M. While you move on, we will continue to grow here, literally, metaphorically, maybe even metaphysically. As our relationship comes to an end, we suppose that makes us single again…huh.
So go on Class of 2014 and make your university proud while we hold down the fort here! Class of 2018 is actually starting to grow on us.