Thursday, March 28, 2024
Texas A&M's First Satirical Newspaper, Since 1875


The 14 Best Aggie Halloween Costumes


Sexy Reveille
Requires: Dog ears, fur trimmed dress, maroon or white shawl (optional), and an open invitation for people to call you a b**** all night.
Reveille CostumeBonus for Couples: bring your handler and see how many interpret the costume as a statement on gender roles.

Sexy Corps Cadet
Requires: a sexy military uniform, or just a normal military uniform with less buttons as the night goes on.
Corps Cadet CostumeBonus for Class of 2015: wear your Senior Gogo Boots.

Sexy Yell Leader
Requires: a white jumpsuit and your skimpiest 12th Man Towel.
Yell Leader CostumeBonus: manage to turn a few yells into part of a drunk dance.

Sexy Loftin
Requires: a maroon bow tie, fake glasses, and a fake mustache . . . or a real one. Y’know, if you can grow one.
Loftin CostumeBonus: get someone to kiss you with your fake mustache on.

Sexy Sully
Requires: a fake beard and a literal ton of bodypaint.
Sully CostumeBonus: break even on the cost of the costume from all the pennies you get throughout the night.

Sexy Roughneck
Requires: even more body paint than Sully, high lace-up boots, construction helmet, and a chain to get creative with.
Roughneck CostumeBonus: stripper moves will guarantee that pretty much everyone who recognizes your costume buys you a drink…or at least sticks a few singles in your waistband.

Sexy Beutel Nurse
Requires: not much really. Just reuse your sexy nurse costume from last year, except this time with either a homemade Beutel sign or nametag. Don’t worry, if anyone asks for medical help, prescribe ice and rest.
Beutel NurseBonus: take a shot every time someone thinks you’re a sexy Ebola nurse.
Double Bonus: bring a pack of cigarettes to smoke on all your breaks.

Sexy Century Tree
Requires: I dunno. Just like some twigs and leaves you can pick up staggering around Northgate. You can just say it’s an Eve costume until you find enough.
Century Tree CostumeBonus: any hookups end in marriage.

Sexy Aggie Squirrel
Requires: fake ears, fake tail, matching dress, and an erratic personality.
Aggie Squirrel CostumeBonus: spend the evening making cracking various nut-related puns.
Double Bonus: find Sexy Century Tree and become best friends.

Sexy 12th Man Towel
Requires: large white towel and a few maroon markers.
12th Man CostumeBonus Points: add a Karate Kid shower costume to complete the look.

Sexy NG Ratchet
Requires: your usual NG attire but with even lower standards
NG Ratchet CostumeBonus: send pictures to all of your friends on SnapChat.

Sexy UPD Officer
Requires: sexy police officer uniform (available at literally any store this time of year) and a pair of handcuffs.
UPD CostumeBonus: ride a segway giving out fake tickets all night to Sexy NG Ratchet (there is a chance that more than one person will pick that costume).

Sexy Rapping Professor
Requires: Bose headphones and a water bottle.
Rapping Professor CostumeBonus: actually rap.

Sexy A&M Offense
Be the tease you are and never actually show up.

-Honey Bear