Friday, March 29, 2024
Texas A&M's First Satirical Newspaper, Since 1875


MSC OPEN HOUSE LEAVES POTENTIAL BUYERS SCARED AND CONFUSED


This Sunday, thousands of students and ones of buyers crowded into the Memorial Student Center to participate in the MSC Open House. The MSC Open House is a biannual Texas A&M tradition allowing new students to discover student organizations in the fun and relaxed atmosphere of being slowly trampled to death.

The confused buyers and their equally puzzled real estate agents did not understand how so many young college students had the resources to potentially invest in such prime real estate. A few were panicked at the prospect of a bidding war breaking out between so many people.

“I’ve never seen an open house quite like it. As far as the property goes, I wasn’t sure how the quidditch cosplayers were supposed to win me over, but the belly dancers brought me back on board,” said James Bockman, a local real estate agent for Aggieland Properties. “I even met a Democrat!”

Not everyone was so enthusiastic. Frightened buyers and agents alike were found hiding from the mob by admiring the carpet beneath the tables they took cover under and commenting on the great open floor plan of the bathroom stalls in which they hid.

However, a few had the courage to brave the crowd. “One of the poor things was trying to place a bid with an improv group when I spotted him,” said Elizabeth Armstrong, a student worker, “The hapless man thought himself the owner of every blue couch in the Flag Room, any room he could name while pinching his tongue, and an invisible penguin named Frank.”

For a full four hours, the attendants of the open house were jostled around between hundreds of similarly distinctive organizations, but despite the mayhem, most managed to escape with both their lives and a small rainforest’s worth of fliers.

-Honey Bear