Early this morning, University officials called an emergency meeting following the surprising discovery of an ancient manuscript. Russell Bormann, sophomore Ocean Engineering major and Muster model, stumbled upon the document late Tuesday evening and quickly reported his find to campus authorities.
“I came to Cushing in hopes of seeing my favorite author, George R.R. Martin, who I believed was to be hosting a seminar here,” Bormann said. “Turns out, the conference was actually last year and no one bothered to take the banners down.”
Disappointed by his tardiness, Bormann reportedly wandered around Cushing in order to “soak in all the blessed Aggie spirit” and while leafing through the “1894 Corp of Cadets Handbook”, came across a tattered document.
Bormann immediately solicited the assistance of Nicolas Garcia, the student worker on duty that evening.
“At first, I thought it was a hoax,” Garcia said. “But as I read the page I knew we had come across an authentic piece of Texas A&M history.”
As of this morning, Cushing Memorial Library and its immediate vicinity have been blocked off by campus authorities in order to conduct a thorough search of the premises. Additionally, the banners advertising George R.R. Martin’s exhibit have since been removed to avoid further confusion.
No official statement has been released regarding the manuscript, but copies have reportedly been sent to scholars across the country to verify its authenticity and assist in deciphering its contents. Rumored recipients include Nathan Godsby (professor of Linguistic Anthropology, Cambridge), Michael Kelly (Renowned expert in Historical Hermeneutics), Dan Brown (author, “The Da Vinci Code”), Nicolas Cage (Academy Award winner, expert riddle solver in National Treasure 1 and 2), and George R.R. Martin himself.
The Mugdown team has managed to acquire a copy of the manuscript, and we’ve assembled our own panel of experts in an attempt to unlock the hidden mysteries contained therein. Below, you will find both a copy of the document in it’s entirety as well as a translation of what we have best determined it to say, and now we offer you, the readers, the opportunity to unravel its meaning and significance.
We are offering a reward to whomever can solve the cryptic message and decode the plethora of riddles it contains.
The Broken Twelve and two instead, departed yet by South and East,
Forsaking Ross’s ashen shed, where Rebels, Tide, and Tigers feast,
And one will rise upon that day, October’s prophet, here at last,
Deliver unto us he may, the bronzen sacred idol cast,
And once complete the prophet’s trial, the time to come is near at hand,
We usher in the Age of Kyle, a golden day in Aggieland!
So cast ye down the mortar spires, brick by brick, rebuild anew,
Enclosed, the colosseum requires, shouts and cries of Hullabaloo!
And hence the Gate of North emits, corrupted plots within our poll,
Upon the throne of Koldus sits, the Emerald King to take his toll,
The final key of Kyle cries, for in the prophet’s wake he bid,
Comes forth when POWER’s echo dies, The Captain of the Iron Grid…
And thus concludes my solemn piece, this lucid word of Kyles three,
May soon they rise and striffling cease, for one, for all, for T-A-M-C.