A false emergency nearly prompted a 9-911 call Wednesday afternoon as a student faked a seizure to play off the incessant vibration of a group message. The GroupMe assault came during a Chemistry 101 final exam. Things began to go south, according to witnesses when professor Simon North heard the phone vibration, and told the class “I’ve got my eye on you”.
Jack Endon, a freshman General Studies major, spoke to the Mugdown in hopes that he could raise awareness of the growing problem of GroupMe on college campuses.
“I thought silencing my phone would be enough,” Endon said. “I wasn’t sure if it was my Fish Camp D.G., my Impact B.G., my FLO, my male-specific FLO group, my hometown-specific Fish Camp group, or my suitemate group.”
Almost as soon as the test began the texts started to come in. Endon reportedly drew attention from the instructor who had a ‘No Phone’ policy. Not wanting to fail the test, Endon began to shake his leg in an effort to mimic the frequency of the vibration. When the texts didn’t stop, he had no choice but to fake a full-on seizure.
“It was the only solution,” said Darren Hawkins, a classmate who supported Endon’s course of action. “Dr. North would definitely have failed him if he knew his phone was on.”
Panic set in the moment Endon’s pulsating body hit the floor but the texts stopped coming in after only a few seconds. Dr. North rushed over to see that Endon was alright and the class collectively gasped for breath.
Endon was excused from the test, with Dr. North never realizing that there was no medical emergency. Endon left the class with a pass for a make-up exam and checked his phone. The group message was from Endon’s FLO, which contained over 50 members. The conversation that made Endon’s phone blow up, however, was between two members making lunch plans with each other.
Everyone’s favorite person to talk to on their break at work: the guy obsessed with politics. You’ve been working for five hours now and nothing is more sacred to you than this all too short half hour to relax, but guess who’s waiting in the break room for someone to talk to. Again. Sure, try and quote that headline you read two or three months ago. It doesn’t matter, the Commons Lobbyist knows he’s better informed than you. He could smell it on you as soon as you rounded that corner.