Friday, March 29, 2024
Texas A&M's First Satirical Newspaper, Since 1875


Student Wildly Misunderstood About OWLs


Professor Dolores Umbridge once said about OWLs, “Study hard and you will be rewarded. Fail to do so and the consequences may be . . . severe.”

Dismayed to find out she had failed another OWL assignment, freshman biology major Paige Mosley, has decided she needs to find a new way to study. More specifically, she needs to find the right subject matter to study, as her most recent assignment contained no questions about potions, nor anything else from the wizarding world of Harry Potter.

“I had memorized the entire polyjuice potion recipe word for word and the only thing even remotely related was a question about polypeptides” said Mosley with a clearly contrived British accent. “We don’t even cover polypeptides until we are second years”

OWLs at Texas A&M are online web learning assignments for chemistry that engage students, assess performance and improve learning outcomes. These are easily confused by naïve (and nerdy) freshmen with the OWLs of the Harry Potter world.

According to the Harry Potter Wiki, An Ordinary Wizarding Level (often abbreviated O.W.L.) is a subject-specific test taken during Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry students’ fifth year… [to determine] whether or not he or she will be allowed to continue taking that subject in subsequent school years.

Mosley explained her confusion to her instructor after class was over the following day. She was comforted to know that she was not the only one confused by what her professor, Dr. Williamson, called “a recent trend.”

“Every year wide eyed kids come into my class fresh outta high school and bomb that first OWL assignment” said Williamson. “I’ve seen them interpret questions to be about charms, herbology, and of course potions. One student kept trying to tie questions back to care of magical creatures — that was a hard conversation.”

Said student has since transferred to the liberal arts department and joined the creative writing program.

“I think I’ll be more prepared for the next OWL assignment” said Mosley. “If I get in a bind, I’m pretty sure my friend has a time turner, so I’m not super worried.”

-Cactus Jack

Editor’s Note: Don’t ask Mosley about the Aggie Quidditch team. She’s having a hard time coming to grips with that as well.
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This article is the third in a series. This week The Mugdown is celebrating Harry Potter Week in support of the undefeated Texas A&M Quidditch Team as they prepare for the Quidditch World Cup this upcoming weekend.

Other Harry Potter Week Posts:
The Marooner’s Map
Student Fulfills Quest to Become Johnny Football for a Day
On-Campus Dorms to be Sorted into Houses
The Sorting of Johnny Manziel