Thursday, March 28, 2024
Texas A&M's First Satirical Newspaper, Since 1875


Student Fulfills Childhood Dream of Becoming Professional Accountant


Noel Ellis is about to become a huge asset for a major accounting firm. After years of dedication and hard work, Ms. Ellis has passed the CPA exam and will now become a professional account, fulfilling a dream she has had since childhood.

“Most people hate accounting. Some tolerate it. Noel loves it,” said Sarah Paige Johnson, her lifelong friend. “We are just different, you know?”

That sentiment was shared by most people who knew Noel growing up. Most claim that while she was a complete joy to be around, she always seemed a little aloof.

“Like any 13 year old girl, I would always tell Noel about which boys I had a crush on. She wouldn’t shut up about someone named Sarbanes Oxley — he wasn’t even that cute,” said Johnson.

Noel’s mother, Melanie Ellis, was equally confused by her daughter’s strange obsession with financial accounting. Particularly because no one in the family had ever been an accountant, or even in business for that matter.

“Her first word was asset! It wasn’t Mama or Daddy. Of course not!” said Mrs. Ellis. “A lot of kids talk about dinosaurs. Mine asked about our Roth IRA.”

Noel began balancing the family books around age 15. The summer after her freshman year, she tried to turn in her parents for tax evasion, claiming there was an intentional error in the way her deductions were calculated.

“When I told her to follow her dreams, I really thought she was going to want to be a princess or a teacher, maybe even a dancer. Not my Noel.” said Mrs. Ellis, “She did go through a brief government regulation phase, but she grew out of that.”

Most students who choose to pursue accounting do so because it is a lucrative career or they are good with numbers. Seldom do people have a passion for accounting.

“It’s great to see someone so genuinely excited to dedicate their life to dealing with taxes and monotony,” said Steve Harper, corporate slave.

Noel Ellis will begin work in the tax division of KPMG in the fall.

-Cactus Jack